What I was not prepared for (and I don't know why) was for 'hate mail'. I have always lived my life as an open book and I make no apologies for that. My life (from a young age) has been a struggle. I have fought for everything that I have in my life and that is what makes me who I am today.
I am very open about my areas of opportunities. Trust me, no one knows better than me what I need to work on in my life. So, to the blogger who called me 'fake', I am sorry! I am anything but fake. I am at times probably too honest.
This is my journey. This is my life. So to answer some of your questions:
1. Yes, my husband is real. His name is Nathan. I too do not know how he could love 'someone like me', as you so kindly pointed out. We met on May 17th 2010 and fell madly in love. Life with me is no walk in the park, but he loves me. I thank God every day for him.
2. No, I am not always happy. I am probably one of the least happy people there is. If you give me a situation, I will tell you everything that sucks about it. It's just how I naturally think. I could list out all of the reasons why this sucks, but why? Everyone knows why this sucks. Why not try and change the perception of this.
3. Yes, I worry about money. I understand not everyone can have a 'treatment plan'. It is sad that we live in a world where having a child can costs some people thousands and thousands of dollars. Nathan and I are not being stupid about this. My insurance doesn't cover any of this either. We are lucky to have a cafeteria plan through work that reimburses us for some of the expenses. I also know that someday if I choose to have IVF, I will probably need to get a 2nd job. I am willing to do that. It's a choice I will have to make. I'm sorry if you don't have those options. Hopefully you find something that works for you.
4. I don't agree with you that I am not mature enough to have children. Selfless enough? That's a different question all together. I don't know anyone who is ready to be a parent before they become one! You learn as you go, right? Clearly, as my husband states, I will have to learn to take care of myself AND someone else. But it will also be a learning experience, and I am ready for that!
So, I guess if some people feel I am fake, I am sorry! Tomorrow I will do a 'so what Wednesday' and tell you all the negative thoughts I think every day. That is not the enrgery that I want to put out into the world though. I choose to stay positive, it's the only think getting me through this. And yes, I will continue to thank God every day for the husband I have. I will NOT go to sleep every night praying he doesn't 'wake up and realize he's better than me' as you think he will.
I do thank you for reading my blog though, it means a lot!