Monday, January 5, 2015

Why sometimes a break is needed My Journey with PCOS

For those of you that have been following along from day one, you already know this. To those of you who are new, here is the cliff notes on my story. 

May 2010 met my husband
May 2011 got engaged
Aug 2012 went off BC
Oct 2012 got married 
Jan 2015....still trying for a baby

I went through 6 months of clinic treatments. Got told I was pregnant, got told I lost the baby, then got told I was never pregnant! Ovulated once, got told my eggs were viable, never had a baby. Spent almost $10,000. 

I hit my bottom. Rock bottom. All I wanted was a baby. All I wanted was to get pregnant. I was a hot mess at work, my marriage was in shambles and my friends didn't really care for me. 

I walked away. My husband and I had the opportunity to transfer within the company we work for to a new state and start a new project. It was just what I needed. Instead of obsessing over having a baby, I just obsessed over starting an office. 

I have excelled at my job again (well...maybe not excelled, but I'm
Not a hot mess anymore), my marriage is in a wonderful place, and all my friends love me again (maybe because I live 1,100 miles away!)

Sometimes you just have to walk away. It doesn't mean you're dream is dead or your hope is gone. It just means that you are going to take the time to stop and live. Often times we get so caught up on our pursuit of happiness, we forget to stop and be happy. I'm happy. My husband is happy, our dog is happy, and that is truly all that matters in life. 

In March we will be starting our journey again. This time with some boundaries. I can't (no promises) go psycho again. Really, I won't let it happen this time. 

Infertility is mean, it's hurtful, and it's ugly. That doesn't mean I need to be those things! 

So right. now , I'm going to go back to being happy with my career, my husband, my dog, and our friends and family.  That doesn't mean that every night I won't pray for our miracle, or won't take my body temperature every morning or still do an ovulation test every night! Let's be honest, I'm still Amanda Jones and infertility drugs or not...I'll always be a little crazy!