Saturday, October 30, 2010

Farrell's Extreme BodyShaping 5-Week Evaluation

Well, 5 weeks is done and over with. I am ok with my results. I guess by looking at myself I was expecting to lose more weight, but inches is just fine for me! Being sick has really been hard on me as well, as it hurts alot to do anything with my stomach, which in Farrell's is pretty much everything.  I really wanted to work on my mile time, but I had to walk the mile due to my stomach problems. Hopefully by the 10 week mark we have this stomach thing figured out and I can really do everything!

Here are my results after 5-weeks

Body Part Measurements
Chest 37 inches (+.5)
Waist 36 inches (-3.5)
Thighs 24.5 inches (-1.0)
Hips 43.5 inches (-1.5)
Arms 11.0 inches (-.5)

Body weight 166.2 lbs (-1.8)
Body Fat      25.4% (-8.4)

Four Minute Step Test 
heart beats per minute
resting  74
active  138

Push ups  30 (+23)
Sit ups  24 (+5)
Sit and reach 22.0 inches (+2.5)
Mile Run  14:08 minutes

So my inches and my body fat is good. I really improved on my body fat which is good as well. I thought I would be able to do more sit ups, but once again, that comes from the stomach. I am really proud of how many push ups I did. Overall I am proud of myself as I know I am working really hard, sticking to a strict diet and enjoying this lifestyle change!!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Looking at things from a different perspective

Lately, I have figured out that I am able to put emotions and events into different categories. This may or may not be a good trait. Its like I am able to break what is happening down into smaller events and be sad about one thing but not sad about the other. I dont know if this is a way for me to be okay with things that are going on, or if this is a way for me to just hide my emotions.

Some examples of this include trying to decide what I want to specialize in for my major, which is surgical technician. I have decided that I want to be in the OB/GYN because you get to see a miracle every day. A new life enter into the world. When questioned on how I will be able to handle still born deaths, or any other event that takes place, I simply have decided, although it is sad, and the parents will be devastated, that person hasn't lived a life yet. I think it would be much harder to watch a 20, 30, 40 something your old die. Maybe that is cruel, maybe that is heartless, but that is how I have to think about it to make any of it ok.

Also, we find out today if my Grandpa's cancer has come back or if he is still in remission. Clearly, I hope that he is still in remission but there is always that chance that the cancer is back. They gave him 12 to 18 months to live, and we are at 17 months right now. I will be devastated if his cancer is back, but at the same time I am so thankful that we have got to spend the time that we have with him, and he has been in good health throughout. We are so lucky that he didnt have to have hospital stays or lose his hair or get really sick. We have had our Grandpa the entire time. The Grandpa that we have always had and still got to do the same things with him. Not everyone is that lucky. So, I guess this time around instead of thinking that my life will be over if his cancer is back, I am just thankful of the times we have got to have together since he got diagnosed with cancer.

This whole break up as really made me think about things in more of a positive way. Of course Im sad about the break up, and of course my heart is shattered. Anytime that you love somebody as much as I loved him, this is going to be the outcome. But Im doing ok. Alot better then I ever thought I would be doing. I'm not necessarily that sad about the actual break up, because, well lets be honest, its been a while coming. Im sad about the other things Im losing. My best friend for one. The people in his life that have become a part of my life. The fun, the laughter, the structure. Its like I have made all of this matter more then the actual fact that the person I thought in my head would be the person I would spend the rest of my life with is no longer by my side.

I've kind of come to terms with the fact that life does go on. No matter if we find out today that my Grandpas cancer is back, or if he is still in remission, life will go on. I will spend as much time with him as I always do. I will love him the same way, and in the end, no matter the out come, everything will be fine one way or another.  And even though we broke up, the mature thing to do is stay friends. My life has gone on, although its still kind in pieces, it is going on. The memories are all still there, the laughter is still there and the person is still there. A loss is only a loss if you make it one.

Friday, October 22, 2010

New Beginnings

Through life we have all learned that things come to an end. Either voluntary or involuntary, things end. I dont think its how they end that matter, but what you do next. So, here lies the question, what do I do next?

Well, I keep living. I have a great job, I love what I am going to school for, I have great friends to keep my mind of things, and a great family to always support me.

Things end for a reason, and I am just glad that I have one.  Although my heart is shattered and my mind is a blur, today I started a new chapter in my life, and I have blank pages to fill. So I guess I better start living.

I love Cedar Falls and this area, but I want more. I would LOVE to move to North Carolina and have a romance perfect for a Nicholas Sparks book. Or maybe move to the North West Coast and have a romance perfect for a Kristin Hannah book. Any way it works, I know I want love in my life.  It is the most thrilling and fulfilling feeling in the world and I don't know how I ever went 22 years without knowing what it feels like! If there is one thing that I take away from this last chapter it will be love.

Its funny that I just blogged a couple of days ago about dreams and reality. Here I was thinking that all of my dreams had been shattered when the reality is I just wasn't sharing them with the right person. I still want all of my dreams, and I still believe that they can all become my reality.

So, today I have learned that the best part about starting a new chapter in your life is that the pages are blank. You can fill them with whatever you want. So, lets start this journey! I'm glad you will all be following along with me!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Independent Women

It is so hard for me to hear women who cant make decisions without their husbands or their significant others. Women who don't have their own checking accounts, or credit cards. Women who are told to hang up the phone, so they do. It just annoys me. Maybe I am too far on the other side of the spectrum, but I will never let a man control my life.

I do want to get married, but I don't want to marry a dictator, I want to marry a partner. I want to have just as much say in the decisions that we make as he does. I used to want to make more money then him, and wear the pants in the relationship, but I'm over that. I would love to be taken care of, but I also want to take care of him.

We as women can not break the "glass ceiling" when there are still all of those women out there that let their spouses treat them like a pet, not like their partner.

As most people know, I grew up in a single parent house-hold, so my Mom was my Mom and my Dad. She never had to ask anyone questions, she just always did what she needed to do. She got a power tool set for Christmas one year, and she fixed things. She was always the one who was pulling weeds and doing the landscaping and just survived on her own. I guess that is why I am who I am today, and I am so happy that I got to experience that way of life.

On the other hand, I was also raised by my Grandparents who lived right next door to me. I would not say that my Grandpa is a dictator in anyway, but he is defiantly the Patriarch of the family. My Grandma was always a stay at home Mom/Grandma and didn't really have her own money. She doesn't know how to pump her own gas, and she couldn't pay a bill if her life depended on it. I had to explain to her one day at the check out that if you swipe your credit card, you dont have to give them cash as well.  I look at her and I think of all the things that she doesn't know how to do because my Grandfather always did those things for her.  And then I look at him, a man who 5 years ago would have had no idea how to do a load of laundry or make the family favorite of beef and noodles, and now since my Grandma has been so sick he has learned how to do all of that.

My Grandpa never ruled my Grandma with an iron fist, and if she wanted to do something, she was going to do it. She just always had to ask him for money first. I used to laugh at this when I was younger and then when I got older I lost a lot of respect for my Grandma for a while because of this.  Now I think about how much they have compromised and almost ruled each other over the years that has made their realtionship work.

This entry went a lot of different directions, but pretty much my whole point is that; I want a partner in life, not a dictator, and I think that all women should strive for this, not just settle for what they have.

Monday, October 18, 2010

My Grandparents Love

I have always known how much my Grandparents love each other, but it was when I was home on Sunday I think I truly got the meaning of true love.  They say you're lucky if you get to experience this in your life, I would agree.  They are two of the luckiest people I know.

My Grandparents were set up on a blind date by my Grandma's best friend. They went out and my Grandma says she liked him, but didn't think much of it, she was into other things, such as playing basketball and hanging out with her friends. After the 3rd date, she came home and my great-grandmother (Gram) told her that she was going to marry that boy. Well, she did. After only a few short months of dating my Grandpa asked my Grandma to marry him. She told him she would think about it, but the took the ring anyways. She told him he had to promise not to go out drinking, dancing, or gambling. She wouldn't stand for those things. He told her ok, and 3 months later they were married.

People say that you don't truly know a person in that short amount of time, and I say that is bullshit! My Grandparents knew each other and knew what kind of life they wanted, and knew that it would take each other to have that kind of life. You see, my Grandpa wanted 6 kids, thank goodness that didn't happen. My Grandma said no, and they settled at 3. My Grandma wanted to work, and my Grandpa said no, she needed to stay home and take care of the house and kids, so my Grandma became a babysitter to other kids as well.
These two examples are things that couples would end up getting divorced over these days, and there are simple resolutions, you just have to compromise. My Grandma says that you compromise when you love somebody.

While I was at the nursing home with her for a few short hours, from about 12-3, her and my Grandpa talked on the phone 2 times. They take turns calling each other every other hour or so to talk. What they have to talk about in an hours time, I could not tell you, but they do. My Grandpa misses her dearly being at home and my Grandma is going crazy not being with him. She told me she used to think their marriage worked out so well because my Grandpa worked two jobs and was gone all the time, and now she doesnt think thats true. She says she cant imagine being without him and she looks back and wonders how she ever spent that much time without him.

My Grandparents weren't the type of parents to raise their kids and then live some fun life by themselves. They have been married for 51 years, and my Grandma added up that they have only been empty nesters for about 3.5 years total. Not all at once, they have never gone more than a year without a child or grandchild living with them.  You could say this means they failed, a lot of people do. But that isn't the case. My grandparents raised us to want to be at home. If I need help, I call them, if I am hurt, I call them, if I am happy, I call them, if I am sad, I call them.  And everyone in my family feels the same way. There is something about them that makes you want to be with them no matter what sacrafices you have to make in your life to be there.

I may never experience the love that my Grandparents have for each other, but I will always know what true love looks and feels like to the outside world. I have two of the best examples of it in front of me.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Dreams becoming Reality

We all have dreams, realistic and far out. How far do you go to make these dreams come true? Some would say you do anything you can to make your dreams come true and some would say that you do what is in your means.

Here are some of my dreams:

Get Married
Have Children
Drive a BMW X3
Work in Labor and Delivery
Go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
See the lighting of the Christmas Tree at Rockafella Center
Travel to all 50 states
Coach my children in sports when they are younger
Move out of Iowa
Volunteer my time at a inner city shelter

Those are just a list of some of the dreams that I have. Some are materialistic and some are emotional and personal accomplishments.  These are things that I want in my life, things that I am willing to sacrifice and strive for. That doesn't mean that these are things that people in my life want for me, or with me. That is where you have to decided if these are just dreams or if they can become your reality. Are the sacrifices you are asking of yourself and the people in your life really worth these things?  I used to think that other people could answer this question for me, but I have come to the resolution that only I can decide that. Only I can decide what I want to keep dreaming about, or what I want to make my reality.  I choose my own destiny and its the decisions I make that change my dreams into reality.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Wishing Life Away

I posted this on facebook the other day, but it really is something that really bothers me.  I can't stand when people are constantly like, I cant wait until the weekend, or I hope this week goes by so fast.  When did we as a society change from living for today to living for the future. Each day is a new day, it is a chance to start fresh. It is not a guarantee and it is not something that we earner. It is a gift. I could go to bed tonight and not ever wake up tomorrow. Do I want to think like that? No, but what I am trying to get at is, don't wish for that time to go away. Live each day to the fullest and truly enjoy life. Yes there are going to be some days that just suck, but we cant really change that. That is life, and we have to deal with it.

This has really come to me with everything that is going on with my Grandma.  I could say, oh I hope this week hurries up so I can get to the weekend, but then I am forgetting all of those days that I am so lucky to still have her here.  I called her today and talked to her for a while on the phone and it just made me realize that no matter how bad of a day I have, there is always something during that day that can make you happy you lived for it. 

She didn't know that things were as bad as they were, and no one besides me ever tells her. Yeah, yeah I have a big mouth. But I was telling her some of the things that she was saying, such as how good of a life she had, had. And how she would see us all in heaven. She told me that she couldn't believe that she would say those things because she just has so much still to do.  She talked about Thanksgiving and Christmas, and my cousin having her baby.  She said that she can be so anxious for those upcoming events, but without doing what she is supposed to each day right now, she will never get to those events. 

That just meant so much to me, because this is a woman who is so used to living in a house with all of her family around her all of the time, and she is now cooped up in a nursing home all by herself. She is living each day to get better and enjoying still being here to get to talk to her family and spend the time she does with them.  I know that my Grandma lives for those big family events, but I also know that she lives each day to get the different phone calls she does from all of us saying "Hey Nannie" or "Hey Mom".  

All of the little things in life add up to the big things.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Raising the Question

 A friend posted something like this on her Facebook last night, and it really made me think. "Is it so bad to be "fat"? Aren't there worst things as a human being to be such as dishonest, jealous, mean, rebellious, ignorant?"

My whole life when people have asked me to define myself, I always think to myself "fat", and then I write down the traits I believe make me, me. I think things I can put on this list include; caring, hard working, intelligent, educated, open-minded, classy, and probably some others but I won't be self centered. All of these things are great personality traits to have, yet I continue to define myself and my life as "fat".  Why do we do this?

I think my whole life I always saw people around me who were smaller then me, I also had a sister who was constantly making fun of my size and referring to me as "Hef" of "Heffer" and also having all of her friends refer to me as that.  Even after I lost some weight around my senior year, I still looked at myself as fat. It was something that had been engraved in my head for so many years that it is all that I know.  It also didn't help to be 11 years old and have my Dr tell me "you sure do have small bones for how big you are" when my whole life my mom had been telling me "Amanda you aren't fat, you are just big boned" HA! Second time I realized that my Mom lies (first was when I found out about Santa).

I would say about a year ago I stopped caring if I was fat. I know I am always going to be bigger then my sister, and even if we weighed the same, I would still be bigger then her.  I will never be a size 2, probably not even a size 6. Im ok with that. I know that I am taking the steps I need to take in my life to become a healthier person, and that is what matters most to me.  If being "fat" is the worse trait that defines me, I'm just fine with that. I'd say that makes me a pretty darn good person.

I am old enough now to realize that if people are making fun of you, or making comments about you, its because they are insecure within themselves.  It's funny that my whole life my sister has called me Hef, and then about a year ago someone stated that I should be an exhibit at the Cattle Congress.  Yeah, those things hurt, but they don't hurt as much anymore.  I am scared for the kids growing up bigger right now. Skinny is skinnier then it was when I was growing up, and more and more pressure is being put on being skinny and being healthy.  When I was growing up, bullying consisted of people calling you names to your face, you could go home and cry and wait until the next day to have it start all over again. These days, you can go home, try and hide from it all, yet turn on your computer and be bullied some more. Or have people send you mean text messages.

So I raise the question to everyone as individuals, parents, teachers, whatever you may be, Is being fat worse then being a mean, heartless, insecure person that needs to make fun of other people to feel better about themselves?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Giving In

Well, once again I will let it be known. I am human. I make mistakes, I forget things, I have low self esteem, and I have low will power and I sure as heck give in easily, in all aspects of my life. It is something that I used to be comfortable with, but not anymore. I used to always just be that go to girl. People knew I would say yes, no matter what it was. Hey Amanda, I know you have already worked 50 hours this week, but will you work my 8 hour shift tomorrow?  Hey Amanda, I know you understand this chapter really well, will you write my paper for me?  And my answer was always, YES!  Yes, I will over work myself, yes I will do twice the work and help you get your grades, yes I will always say yes whenever anyone asks me to do something for them because that is the type of person I am.

I have realized that this not only happens to me in those types of situations, but also right now, when I am trying to watch what I eat. See, I gave up Mt. Dew for this exercise program.  I didn't only give it up for the program, but to live a healthier life. There was nothing healthy at drinking 5 to 6 20 oz Mt Dews a day.  Well, I have been craving Mt Dew since Thursday. I bought one at Hyvee on Friday and threw it away in the trash right outside the door.  I just wanted it so bad, but I had will power and realized I made a mistake by buying one.  Today, I just couldn't help myself. I needed one soooo bad. As sad as it sounds, I am an addict. A Mt Dew addict.  I am very disappointed in myself, as I had a Mt Dew. It wasn't a 20 oz by any means, it was merely a 8oz can that my wonderful boyfriend found for me, and has stated that I can have one every Saturday as a reward for making it through my 6 days of hard work and exercise. I am still disappointed, but understand if I keep craving it as much as I was earlier, I would give in and probably not at a acceptable level.

I know that a lot of people wouldn't think that I am a weak person looking in from the outside, but I really am.  Very disappointing and I am hoping if one thing I get out of this Farrell's program is becoming a stronger person, physically, mentally and emotionally.

So for now, I will drink my 1-8oz Mt Dew every Saturday evening, and hope I can someday even take that out of my diet.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Apologizing for Someone Else

This is a topic that has just recently started to really bother me. I get so upset when people do it, like my Mom on a daily basis, yet I am guilty of the same thing. Every day in the business world I feel like we have to apologize for other peoples actions and take ownership of their mistakes to make things right with either a client or a consumer.  Its part of my job, its part of a script I follow and yet it is one of my biggest pet peeves. How am I ok with doing this on a daily basis but frown upon other people who do it. I will tell you why.

I feel as if when I am apologizing to a consumer on the phones I am doing it with a solution in mind. I know that I must make the situation better to make us both happy in the end and I just have to get that person to realize that is the outcome. I feel like I am resolving the issue by taking on ownership of the past mistake and I am correcting the situation.  I feel that this is a lot different then someone such as an old friend, or a parent saying "well so in so is really sorry they missed the party" No, they really arent. We both know that so why would you say that.

Lately this has been happening alot in my family as things have been a little tense between my sister and I.  I also received an e-mail not that long ago from an old friend that stated piratically the same thing. "we're both sorry for the way things worked out" No, you both arent, and once again we both know that.  Why do people put themselves in that situation?  I guess maybe if my mom called me and said "Your sister is sorry she missed her party, she wants to take you out to dinner, will you call her?"  Then she is giving a solution to the problem and I might be ok with that. I will still probably say no, but it might not make me so mad at my mom.

I think that I was guilty of this in the past with a friend I had. Always feeling like I had to make amends for the mistakes she made. Now that I am not friends with her anymore, I see how it really changes the person that you are. I never lived the things she did, and I really didn't want to apologize for what she did, but I felt like I had to to make myself feel better about the situation.  I feel like it made other people think that I was the same as her.  Maybe my Mom will read this blog and realize that she is only pulling herself down my constantly apologizing for the mistakes my sister makes.

We can only hope right??