Friday, October 17, 2014

The now... My Struggle With PCOS

12. Despite what my husband believes, paying for IVF is more important than buying a house

Lesson I'm trying to teach the hubs!

The decision has been made. I can't produce an egg. Every month, instead of my egg dropping like it's supposed to, it turns into a little cyst. (Sometimes not so little). Oral medicine hasn't helped. Injections hasn't helped. At this point what that means is, I can't get pregnant naturally. So, in-vitro fertilization it is. 

Now, this is a big conversation. Do you know what all IVF entails? And more likely than not we would end up with Twins and we could even end up with more than that! Ugh...scarrrry! (This is me being dramatic, but seriously. I could have multiples because of this!)

Here's the other thing. IVF is expensive. Like, expensive as shit! (Excuse my French). We're looking at $16,000 for one treatment. First, do you know how many pairs of shoes I could buy with that much money??? Second, do you know how many IVF treatments fail? Well, it's a lot. Good news is, the clinic in Austin will pay you back $12,000 if the treatment fails. So, not too bad right? We'd only he put $4,000. No big deal! (Said no one...ever!)

So here we are, at the crossroads between having a baby or buying a house. We need a house to bring a baby home to. We need a house to be able to sleep peacefully in (without a crying baby on the other side of the wall. At least a crying baby that isn't ours!) We need a house for a magnitude of reasons. I get it, I really do.  I have also compromised on the fact that we are still young. I am only 28 years old and Nathan is only 32!  Nathan is also still set in the fact that we will have a baby naturally (yup, keep on dreaming there pumpkin!)

Long story short, having a baby is again on hold! We will keep trying naturally (and I'll prove to Nathan that I am ALWAYS right and he is ALWAYS wrong)! We will buy a house, and then we will save for In-vitro! I am going to continue to be monitored by my Dr monthly, you know, just in case I do drop an egg. And we will go from there! 

At this point, we're both just along for the ride! We have realized that life is what you make of it. We can spend our time wanting so desperately to have a baby that we miss out on all that is in front of us, or we can come face to face with reality and live in the now. Experience what is in front of us, live life to the fullest and be thankful every day for what we do have! And what we do have is pretty kick ass! :) 

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Lessons I've learned from infertility My Struggle with PCOS

I have learned a life full of lessons since discovering I suffer from infertility. Some are good, some are bad, some have been hard, and some make me giggle. Here is my life: 

1. Good things don't always happen to good people. 

2. No matter how bad you want something, sometimes it's not meant to be in the moment. 

3. I've learned to hate my period for completely different reasons then I ever hated it before. 

4. Sometimes even the biggest piece of chocolate can't help your heartache

5. Getting advice from your Mom on your sex life is always awkward. No matter how close you are. 

6. Other people deserve to be happy and have babies. Don't be a hater. 

7. Infertiity can ruin a marriage if you let it. Don't let it. 

8. Always wear clean underwear to the Gyno

9. If you're suffering infertiity your Dr won't care if you shave your legs or not. 

10. It's a lot easier buying pregnancy tests with a ring on your finger. 

11. Everyone has advice. Listen to it all, use what you want of it. 

12. Despite what my husband believes, paying for In vitro is more important than buying a house. 

13. Being bitchy is not cute. Put your big girl panties (clean ones) on and deal with it. 

14. No matter how many books you read, as soon as you finish the last page, you are back to reality. Don't shut out the people who mean the most to you to escape to a land of fiction. 

15. Life goes on. It really really does. 

16. Hold on tight to the hand of the man that is fighting this battle with you. I promise you, you'll try and let go hundreds of times, and he'll never let you! 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

My husband, my soul mate, my friend My Struggle With Infertility

My husband. My soul mate. My best friend. My husband is one of the best men I've ever known! He loves me, he inspires me, and he stands beside me in all that I do. Most people in our lives know this already though! I am just sometimes reminded of how special of a guy he is. Today was one of those days. 

Let me tell you a little story! No promises it will be short! :)

About two months ago we were driving down the street and he looked over at me and said "I want to have a baby". My heart broke into a million pieces. You see, I've always wanted a baby at all costs. Nathan has been more consertative, both with the expense of it all and and with the emotional stress it was putting me through. Nathan has always maintained positice saying that it would happen when it was supposed to happen, and we would just try harder. You know, saying all the things that made me want to punch him in the face! :) But, it was his way to stay positive! 

My husband telling me that he wants to have a baby breaks my heart because he will be the most amazing father. He is funny, he is smart, he is well rounded. He is open minded and will love a child no matter what happens in their life. He is someone that many people lean on and depend on but often forget that he might need someone to lean on and depend on top. 

My husband wants a baby. Before, it was always just my hurt. I wanted the baby. Every month was a disappointment in myself. It was me that couldn't give me what I wanted. Now, it's me who can't give my husband, who would give me the world on a white-gold platter if I asked for it, a baby. Actually he would give it to me not even if I asked for it, but if I simply mentioned it was something I would like to have at some point. He loves me like that! :-)

Today, he was teaching a version of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to a classroom full of people. I went into the classroom at the end of the day and was reminded how lucky we are to simply have each other. To know to the core of our beings that we are each other's soul mates and best friends. It's special. My husband is a special man. Everyone that gets to meet him and have him as a part of their life is a better person because of it. I say it all the time, but am truly starting to belibe it. Even if we can never have children, we are blessed to have each other and the love that we share! 

The greatest part of all of it is when I tell him that I feel like I am disappointing him, he simply tells me that I could never disappoint him, kisses my forehead and moves on with his day. 

So to the man who I love more than I ever thought possible to love someone else, thank you for being the person you are. Everyone in your life is better for knowing you.