Saturday, May 31, 2014

Too funny! My Struggle With PCOS

Nathan talked to someone who is also experiencing infertility last week and I think he got a different perspective on things then he has had before. 

While he was telling me some of the things they talked about I was watching his body language and his facial expressions. You could tell that he had so much sympathy for this guy and how he was feeling bad for his wife. I could tell that a part of him was thinking 'they have it so much worse then us'. 

After he was done telling his story, and how he told him to tell his wife to check out my blog (scored some points there), I asked him what he thought I did at all these Dr Appts I've been going to? I realized in that moment maybe I hadn't been that great of a communicator with him. 

This is not a 'dog on my husband' post by any means, it just goes to show the point that SO many people have no idea what people suffering from infertity go through every day! Even someone who is experiencing it right along with you! 

Nathan is super busy at work, so I have tried not to bother him with any of this. One of my top strengths is responsibility and I tend to shoulder everything, regardless if it is my responsibility or not. I have viewed this whole situation as my responsibility, so I shoulder all the weight of it. He just gets to deal with the fun stuff at home! (And boy oh boy has it been FUN!) It was an eye opening conversation though! 

It was a little like this: 

You know how I don't take a lunch on Thursdays and leave work an hour early? Yeah, I'm just not hanging out! I have to go have blood drawn! Some times it get right in, other times I sit there and wait! My arms are swollen, bruised and if people didn't know me, they might think they are track marks. 

You know when I have to go to the Dr sometimes 3 times in one week? Yeah...well, I too am VERY farmiliar with Mr . Wandman! He could at least ask me out for coffee before he violates me in that way! (Only other infertility friends will get that joke!) Let's just say I never thought I would have my feet in stirrups more than I have in the last couple of months! 

You know how I call you so frustrated I could just scream? Yeah, that's because they keep telling me 'they don't know why' I'm not ovulating! "It just doesn't make sense!"

None of it is fun, and I am sure for a man, who wants to cherish and protect their wife, it is really not fun. Maybe I have sheltered Nathan from the worst of it all for a reason! I know that Nathan is my lifeline through this. It seems that whenever I am having a really rough day he is there to pick me up. He is always so positive and so encouraging. I am thankful he hasn't had to experience the worst of it all. I don't want him to have the jaded outlook I do. But it's also a lesson that I should have been more open about it to him. No one really wants to hear from someone else how bad their loved one could be hurting. 

I think it all goes back to the #1 most important thing I have learned! Communicate, communicate, communicate! It's the only way you can experience something like this and still make it work! 

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