Monday, May 5, 2014

"You're life is easy!" My Struggle With PCOS

I am still pissed at myself today, so I am writing a negative blog. I'm sorry. It's only negative I guess to the people that think this way, others might relate. 

So, I was told by someone who has three children that my life is "so easy" and I shouldn't complain. I have no idea what a hard life is, since I don't have children of course!  Well, okay. Thank you for that in depth look into my life, glad you can leave your comment. 

They are right. Those people that have children. I get it. I don't have kids to take care of. So by default, my life is easy. Makes total sense. I just never put two and two together that having children defined the difficulty of your life. 

Let's look at things from a different  perspective. 

While you are cursing (not literally, I hope) your children in the morning to get out the door, I am taking by basal body temperature to check ovulation, then pissing on a stick and wishing 3 God forsaken minutes to see if I am ovulating or not, all while trying to rush myself out the door. 

While you wake up in the middle of the night to a screaming hungry baby,  I wake up in the middle of the night with hot flashes that are so riduclious I literally have to change my sheets. Oh, and bone deep pain cramps. Like Charlie horses, all over my body. Some nights I am so hot, I can't get back to sleep unless I take a freezing cold shower to cool me down. 

While you're running kids to this soccer game or that dance class, I am making Dr appts, charting my temp, my mucus level, my sex life. Every intimate detail. You know, all the things you really want to put down on paper! 

While you're writing checks for daycare and diapers, I am wondering how in the hell am I going to pay for another 6 weeks of lab tests at $70 a pop. Or how many more $406 ultra sounds I will have to have. Oh, let's not forget the 10 calls to the insurance company to fix the bills they've already sent! 

Then at night, when you lay your head down to sleep, I will be laying my head down as well. But I will not be worried about any of the above things. I will be praying to God, pleading with him, to allow me the one thing I want more than anything else (besides my husband. He did me a solid with this guy!) in this world! 

Our lives are different, but neither is easy. I understand you just have to 'look at someone' and get pregnant (I mean...really? Who even says that!?), and you now have 3 beautiful children because of that. You are truly blessed. Honestly, I would trade places with you in a heart beat. 

Unfortunately, that's not the cards in life I was dealt, so all I can do is play the game the best I can! (I'm using a card game reference because I am teaching myself how to count cards. I want to be a blackjack millionaire, like Ben Affleck! Okay, maybe not to that extreme, but, I really am teaching myself! It's not illegal!)

Remember tonight (or probably tomorrow, I hope your kids are in bed already) when you kiss your kids goodnight, not everyone is as blessed as you! You're life may be hard, but there are thousands of women who would sacrifice a lot to walk in your shoes! 

1 comment:

  1. I love this post--We have a 2 1/2 year old that took us 13 years to achieve after many miscarriages, surgeries, IUI's, Clomid etc. etc. PCOS is a bitch and anyone who doesn't have the "pleasure" of dealing with it will never have a clue. My personal favorite was "well at least you know you can get pregnant now" Right....idiots. Can't wait to read more from you!