Thursday, May 8, 2014

Might as well say it.... My Struggle With PCOS

I always said I would be an open book and now that there is a topic that I feel I should touch on, it scares me. I'm scared of being judged or looked down upon. I'm scared that people will think WE think we're too good. That we will never really know the suffering. That's not it at all. It's just simply our opinion. 

Nathan and I have no desire to adopt. 

There, I said it. 

Lately, as this struggle has continued (which it's only been like 6 weeks. It just seems like forever), people have started to mention and ask about adoption or fostering. 

I want to go on record to say that I think these things are amazing. I think the people who adopt and the people who foster children throughout their life are simply amazing. I commend them for it. 

Unfortunately, it is not in the cards for us. At this point we don't even know if we want to do IVF. I am sure of the time comes, we would explore that route. Just right now, it's not on our radar.  

This isn't something that we want to consume our lives. (Then why do you blog about it? Well, because I feel a lot of people do let it consume their life. And if my perspective and my feelings on this can help them, then I am content) Were going to give it the ol' college try and if it isn't in the cards for us to have kids, then it's not in the cards. 

You could say that we are selfish people. We are. We both know it and we accept it. Infertility and adoption are expensive. People work multiple jobs, take out loans, spend their entire life savings to have children. We don't want to do that. 

People always say that you can never wait until you are ready to have kids because you are never ready. I agree with that. Nathan and I will have to change our lives drastically when we have children. Neither one of us will be the center of attention anymore. We just both agree that you can be finically stable before bringing a child into the world. 

We live a certain lifestyle and we want that lifestyle for our children. If we used all of our savings and took out loans to have a child and then could not provide for it...I just couldn't do it. 

Fortunately, we are blessed to have amazing nephews and an amazing niece that we get to love on and spend time with and spoil. Our friends have children that we love as if they were our own. We get it, we will/would make great parents. We just don't want to uproot our entire lives to TRY and chase that dream. 

I absolutely want to be a mother. More than anything in the world. I just don't feel that I need it in my life to have a successful life. Some might not understand why we have put conditions on it, or where we are coming from and I get that. We won't judge your journey, so please don't judge ours. 

I will leave you with a lyric from my Mom and Dad's favorite song!

" don't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might just find, you get what you need."

1 comment:

  1. One thing I've discovered on the road of infertility is that you constantly move the line of "how far" you're willing to go. Some lines are indelible and you know with 100% certainty that you will never cross them. Others are in the sand and will be erased with the next tide. Either way, it's OK to know that today--as of this second and that is OK. You don't need to explain these lines to anyone, and I agree it takes someone special to foster's a hard road for sure. Good luck to you as you decide IVF or no...It's a hard decision to make...but one that unfortunately at some point we're all faced with in this infertility game. Sigh.