How am I doing? Well, that is a loaded question. I feel as though I am going through the motions every day, but I'm not really there.
There are some people who just get it. And that is wonderful. They know that this sucks. It's the hardest battle I have ever fought. It's not like I have cancer or some other illness that people can see. It is a silent illness and it is kind of taboo to talk about. These people are the ones who simply say 'I'm thinking about you' or 'I'm praying for you!'. They know I can't relax, I will always keep trying and no, things don't always happen when they're supposed to.
Then there are the people who don't get it at all, and no fault of their own. These are the people who don't see what the big deal is. They think I'm adding extra stress onto an already pretty stressful life. They're the ones that can't see the sings of an illness, so they think it's made up. They don't understand that between Tuesday and Friday of last week I slept roughly 3.5 hours. They don't understand that I still had to get up every day, plaster a smile on and face the day. They're the ones that say I am 'on edge' or my favorite 'look like shit!'. I know I do, but the most I had in me that morning was to throw clothes on. That is it.
I wish talking about infertility wasnt taboo. I wish it was easy to tell people what is going on and how I feel. But it's a pretty touchy subject and a lot of the problems are pretty personal. Just know, when you ask me how I'm doing and I reply "I'm fine!", there is a lot more to that answer!