Wednesday, March 26, 2014

What now? My struggle with PCOS we are. We've gotten the diagnosis, we've read all the blogs. What now? 

Well, I think we all have some decisions to face, thoughts to come to term with and realities to face. Here is my list and what we will call a progress report!

Also, please know that I will refer to myself a lot. Please know that my husband stands next to me, in front of me, or behind me in whatever I am doing with my fight with PCOS. Yes, it is our fight. It is our fight to have children, it is our fight to get me healthy. My husband is a fiercely private person and I try to respect him with me "tell-all" attitude. So, whenever I am referring to 'I' it is really 'we', it's just coming from my perspective. 

1. Why me? (Well, as some would say, why not me??) I feel I have seen that paradigm shift. I don't feel I've been signaled out. I'm just a person with this diagnosis, no rhyme or reason to why. 

2. I can't afford to be infertile (yeah...still working on that one. I am imaging a much deeper pocket book than I believe we have. We'll find a way I suppose. We always do)

3. How do I tell people? Is it awkward? Is it taboo? (Welp, I think you see where I am on that! To me, my life is an open book! I need support)

4. Do I really have to change my diet? (Well...yes. I do anyways. I am a lazy, mt dew drinking, fast food restraunt eating fat cow (with a side of drama). I needed something to kick my ass into gear. It's hard as hell, it sucks, it's annoying, but did I really want to carry a child in this un-healthiness to begin with?) 

5. I hate everyone that posts about babies and being pregnant! (No, this isn't me. Yes it stings a little. Yes I have a little resentment. But, I could never hate someone for such a joyous time in their life! Let me watch your children! I won't need paid, just leave me your child! :). I completely understand why some people feel this way though. It sucks. The one thing that will throw me over the edge? Tell me one more time to 'just relax'. Thank you for your great advice. I have what's called a disease. I am sure people with cancer try to 'just relax' to cure their disease! (End rant).) 

6. Mother lovin 6. The one question I hate  myself for even thinking. If I cannot have children, will I be enough for my husband? (Ehhh...ouch. That thought hurts. But guess what? It hurts him too. If you are anything like me, you simply asked 'Nathan, if I can't have kids, will I be enough for you? (Little piece of advice, have some finesse. Your husband deserves it!). Welp, of course I will be enough for my husband (I mean, I'm already a handful and I believe he has described life as 'taking care of a child'). But in all seriousness, we come first. Our marriage comes first. We will fight to remember that!) 

So there you have it. That's what is floating through my head. I think most of it is completely natural. If you were blessed with a side of drama, like me, reel it in. Don't let your mind go there. Understand that those thoughts can cross our minds, but they don't need to take up residency there. 

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