PCOS isn't me! My Struggle with PCOS!

My Mom's heart is broken for me. It hurts for her baby. It hurts that I have to go through this. It hurts that she can't take it away. It hurts that something that came so easy to her is coming so hard for me. 

For whatever reason, my heart doesn't hurt. My heart isn't broken. Yes, this sucks. It really sucks. Life is supposed to go as planned (at least in my head anyways). First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage (or infertility).

I think I just keep remembering that before love, before marriage, before a baby, I was Amanda. I am Amanda. Infertility and PCOS are not me. They are parts of me, but they don't dictate my life. 

I am Amanda 

I am a daughter

I am a sister

I am a friend

I was a Granddaughter

I am an employee

I am a cousin

I am lazy

I am a reader 

I am organized

I am messy

I am stubborn

I am dramatic

I am funny

I am loyal

I am slightly overweight (we're not using the obese word. It pisses me off)

I have glasses

I have dimples

I wear sweats (in public)

I sit down in the shower

I sleep with my glasses is my hand

I could sleep for days if allowed

I hate the outdoors

I don't really like music

I have PCOS

I am infertile 

The list could go on and on but the main point is that this is all just a part of my life.  But not one of those things alone defines me (besides being dramatic).

My heart is not broken because I have so many other parts of my life that fill me right now. I have a wonderful husband, an amazing Mom, I am blessed beyond belief with my friends. My job fulfills me and so much more. My family is second to none. My life's adventure (and let's be honest, every day with me is an adventure) keep me on my toes every day. I married into an amazing family. 

Yes, I want to have children. I was 3 kids. 2 girls and a boy (shh..don't tell though! I promised Nathan if we named the first boy Sullivan, we could name the second boy Smith! He just doesn't know we won't have a 2nd boy) I want to drive a Ford Explorer (3rd row seating means 3 kids). I want to bake (buy) cupcakes for school. I want to forget my kids lunch at home like I do my own every day. I want to be locked out of my house with my kids and sit on the front step waiting for Nathan to bring me keys. I want to run out of gas and have the chance to explain to them how Daddy pays for AAA because Mommy can't remember to put gas in her car. I want all of those things and so much more. But just like today, those things alone will not define me. Mommy will just be another thing to add to the list of ways to describe me. 

My heart is not broken. Please don't let yours be either. You are enough just the way you are! K