Saturday, July 12, 2014

Yup.. My Struggle With PCOS

Do you ever read something and then feel your face because you know those words just slapped you right across the face?!? Happens to me all the time. Probably because I make a lot of mistakes and constantly am reminded of how to be better! 

For the longest time in my life when something was wrong, I blamed others. If I didn't get the job I wanted I would think "they don't know what their missing out on", if people would say they didn't like me I would think "sucks to be them. I am who I am". The list could go on and on, but you get the picture. I was perfect and everyone else had the isses. Who was the common demoniator in that situation? Ding ding ding! Me of course! 

It took me a long time. A long time of walking through the fire to really look inward and see that I had things that truly needed to change about me. It would have been easy if it was skill related, but unfortunately it was more character related. I truly needed to change the person I was. 

Now these changes started to take place about 10 months ago. I am no where near where I want to be, but I am so much farther from where I used to be. Things take time. Life is a constant journey. Yes there are times that you might get to be on coast, but you are still driving in the direction you want to go. 

For someone like me, who is wired in such a way that I want to be in charge, I want to carry the reins, I want to be the driver. Waiting is hard. It sucks. It's emotionally draining. I lie away more nights then I care to admit making lists of things in my life I could do differently to get the results I want to get. I seldom take a step back and enjoy the moment I am in because I am so worried about the next 1000 moments and how I am going to control each one of them. 

There is no finish line to race to at the end of life. I can't beat people there. Controlling the next moment and the next moment after that is not going to change the outcome. 

Live in the present. Live in the now. Know that what is meant to happen, will happen. If things in life aren't going the way you want them to, take a good long look inside and realize what you can change, but let go of the things you can't. 

1 comment:

  1. Amen! Well said there. Reminds me of the serenity prayer (not sure if you're religious or not, but it kind of suits what you're saying): "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." All the best with your journey of change and self-discovery!!xx