I know..

Yesterday I married the man of my dreams. It was a beautiful day, filled with love, happiness and fun. We were surrounded by so many people who love and cherish us it was overwhelming at times. It was not lost on me that at times I was missing the person I wished more than anyone could have been there, my Grandpa.   All throughout the week it showed that Saturday was just supposed to be an awful day. We were supposed to have terrible storms and even a possibility for tornadoes. It stressed me out almost all week. In my family we have a saying, "it is what it is". I am not good at living to this saying because I have a tendency to want to control everything and have my hand in everything. The weather is just something that you cant change.

As I laid in bed Friday night, the night before I got to marry my best friend and become a wife, I cried and cried. I called out to my Grandpa and I begged him to let it be sunny for my wedding. I told him that I didnt care if it rained all morning, or if it rained during my reception, I just wanted it to be sunny for my wedding. 

Saturday morning as I pinned a heart made out of his bib overalls into the left side of my dress, I again asked him to please have it be sunny for my wedding.  As I sat on the trolley outside of the wedding ceremony waiting for everyone to go inside, I had my sister to my right and my cousin Afton to my left. I asked Afton what time it was, and she replied 4:30. The exact time my wedding was scheduled to start. As we sat there, the clouds parted and a ray of sunshine shone down. It lit up the lake and everything sparkeled. I couldnt hold back my emotions. I knew in that moment that my Grandfather was there with me. I had made a promise to him before he passed away that I would walk myself down the aisle when the time came, because he would be there with me, every step of the way. As I stepped off the trolley, I blew a kiss to the sky and walked down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams. I know my Grandpa was there. 

Why I'm voting for Barack Obama

Since my fiancée insists on bringing politics to Facebook, I will state my opinion.

I am not an Obama supporter, I am anti-Romney. A few months ago I was whole heartily going to vote for Romney. But, I am sorry. At the end of the day the things that mean most to me are social issues. Irresponsible? Probably.

At this moment in my life I am more finically stable then I ever have been, and I also pay more taxes than I ever have. I am okay with that. I believe that the more money you make, the more taxes you pay, no exceptions, no loop holes, no tax write offs. Simple as that.

I believe that women should be on the same playing field as men, in all aspects. I bust my ass day in and day out at my job and if I found out I was making less than my male equal, I would be infuriated.

I think that all people should be treated equal. Gay, straight, Mexican, African American, Caucasian, Muslim, Christian, Atheist, rich, poor. Everyone deserves a chance in this world to be happy. No one has the right to judge one another. Live your life so when you go to bed at night you are happy with yourself. You don't live the other persons life, so don't worry about them. Do what makes you happy.

A women's body is her body. Women should have the right to choose what goes on with their own body. And rape is rape. This should never be questioned, man or woman.

There are people out there who desperately need help. Thy fight everyday to get back on their feet but there is always someone there to push them back down. Not everyone is out to screw the system. I grew up on welfare and food stamps. Here I am today, a productive member of society. Give people the help they need to better themselves, not enable themselves to stay in the same situation. There needs to be monitoring the system, not reforming it.

There is a health care problem in America. Going to the Dr should not be a luxury for the rich. It should be something accessible to all people. I do not think this falls all on the Governments shoulders. I think there is a definite problem with the sue happy America that we have created that has jacked up the price of medical care. I also think the cost of health care has gone so high it is impossible for companies to hire more full time workers who would earn benefits or even for small businesses to provide health care. I don't know what the fix is, I just know it needs to be fixed and needs to be talked about.

I 100% agree with employers covering contraceptives. One thing I have never understood about Republicans. You don't want people to use contraceptives OR have abortions, but you also don't want to take care of their babies when they're born into this awful world without a single person who can/will take care of them?? Doesn't make any sense to me.

To go along with the make above. Planned Parenthood is a place that provides education, precautionary measures and much much more to women and men who can not get t anywhere else. I worked for a company for over 7 years who refused to make me full time. I had no benefits an could not afford private health insurance. I went to Planned Parethood for my yearly check up and found out I ha?3. 99.9% chance of getting cervix cancer. The doctor held me as a cried and vowed to give me the treatment necessary to hold it off as long as possible so I could someday have children. Without Planned Parenthood I could have never afforded to go to a Dr. At that point it would have probably been too late.

I am voting for Barack Obama not because I believe in everything he says or does. I don't even necessarily like all of the things he says or does. I am voting for Barack Obama because I believe in the good of society. I believe there are people out there who are just down on their luck an deserve a 2nd chance. I believe that everyone has the rights to enjoy the same basic freedoms we all do. I believe people can be different, believe different things, live a different lifestyle, yet all be Americans. And I believe that the wealthy have been wealthy and powerful for far too long. It's the hard working Middle Class' turn to be on top.

Hired Help

I have recently seen some Facebook 'conversations' about hiring people to do work for you rather than doing it yourself. I have an opinion on this so I thought I would share.

I have no shame in paying someone to do the work that I don't want to do or dont have the time to do. I feel it is what keeps the economy going.

My opinion is if you are compensating them for what they are doing its not like back in the slavery times where people hardly made enough money to survive. The things I pay to get don don't come at a small price. And I always tip almost 20% also!

I know some say this is a waste of money but I choose I save my money in other areas (couponing, making own dish detergent). I feel if I want to pay someone to mow my yard, who cares.

I was talking with a friend the other day about me being a stay at home Mom and he made the comment I would probably still take my kids to daycare. I laughed and thought, I probably would!

I guess each to their own. Great if you do things yourself and great if you pay someone to do it for you. I prefer te latter!

Coming home!

Most everyone knows at this point that Nathan will be coming home for good late September or early October! We thank everyone for their support through this time as living apart from each other sucks! It is still aways away but having a light at the end of the tunnel is great!

Giving in

I lay here in our basement, the only place that isn't 100 degrees and I think about the fight that Nathan and I got into when i told him this could no longer go in the bedroom when we moved in together.

Haha, Ohhh my Nathan! His sense of decor is quite different than mine but somehow we make it work. So if this thing must hang in our basement to make him happy, who am I to complain??

Not apologizing...

There are things in my life that I will own up to. I know that sometimes I do things that I need to apologize for but I know that there are also things about my life that I won't apologize for. Here is the short list; 1. My love for Nathan and our happiness. This is something that I abaolutely will not apologize for. Nathan and I understand how lucky we are to have found each other and be as happy as we are. There was a time in my life when the only man that meant anything was my Grandpa. This was also a time where I sai I would never get married and I never wanted a family. My Grandpa always told me the one thing he wanted me to experience was the love him and my Grandma shares and the joy that children an grandchild brought your life. At a time in my life when the most important man in my life was dying, my heart opened up to a new man. A man who loves me so deeply and so unconditionally. I never knew this kind of love existed outside of my Grandparents marriage. So, I will not apologize for loving Nathan and I will not stop sharing my love for him either. 2. My success. I had worked extremely hard throughout my life to always be on top. I worked extremely hard during school and I have always been good at my jobs. I work hard to produce great results. Nathan also works extremely hard and his drive for success makes me want to succeed rift along with him. Our hard work has opened some great doors for us and I will not apologize for that. We have not been handed things. We make sacrifices and miss out on things and work hard for everything that we have. Everything we have we deserve, so apologizing is not necessary! 3. My openness. I have always been an open book. I dot have anything in my life to hide so why not express myself. Yes, I probably do too many status updates and tweet entirely wayy too much, but once again I won't apologize for this. Growing up I always had to act one way in public. I always ha to put a smile on my face even though life was falling apart begin closed doors. I always pretended like I had everything under control even though I was a wreck. I always had to hide things. Now that I have my own life an I'm proud of the life I live and have made for myself I see no need to hide things.

Laying awake...

I lay here in bed trying to sleep. I think about things that I said today that I could have said different. I think about how much I miss Nathan. How over the past few months, since we both got our promotions we became 2nd to each other. Our new jobs were first. There was always something more important. Some TV show I needed to watch instead of lay in bed with him, some post I needed to read on facebook. I think about how I would beg him to come to lunch with me, but he was always busy. I think about how we get a 2nd chance. We got time to realize that all those little things, all those little moments are what truly matter. 

I think about all of these things because I lay awake and I think about my Grandpa. I think about how he is missing out on all of this. How for so long he was there to help me through my heart ache. He was there to pick up the pieces as they were falling apart and he was there to glue me back together when I completely crumbled. He got to see all of those moments. He got to experience all of those moments, but he doenst get to experience these. He doens't get to see me happier then I have ever been. He doenst get to hang out with Nathan and learn to love him the way I do. Nathan never got to see his Maytag collection or all of his artifacts. Nathan didn't get to hear the stories or listen to him laugh from his belly. 

I cry because I am so jealous of my sister. My Grandpa got to walk my sister down the aisle. He got to see her in her wedding dress. He got to put on the tux and tell her how beautiful she looked. He got to give her away and kiss her and tell her that he would always be her number one guy. I know that my Grandpa will be there with me. I know that I will feel him in my heart. But I am still very jealous that it isn't the same as what my sister got. 

So I lay here awake...thinking of what was and what will be. I know that Nathan was brought into my life as I was losing the most important man in my life. At one point in my life, I could never imagine my life without my Grandpa. And then I met Nathan. At the same time that I was having to realize that I was going to lose my Grandpa and I was going to have to live life without him, there was Nathan. I learned a new kind of love. A love that to me was so raw. This man loved me for me. Not because I was his grandchild, but because he loved ME. I cant compare it to anything just like I cant compare the love I had for my Grandpa to anything I have ever experienced. So instead of being jealous and thinking about was was....I should focus on what IS and what WILL BE.