So, I have not been able to sleep for about three nights now because I lay in bed thinking about everything that needs to get done for the wedding that I cant really do right now anyways. We are still 16 months out, so it's not like I can order everything that needs to be ordered.
Tonight, has been an exceptionally hard night. I think the reason I have really been having a hard time is because the one person who means the most to me isn't here. Its funny that my Grandpa always talked about how having boys was so much easier then raising girls, yet he was always there to listen. Of course he wouldn't care about the colors or the table lines I was choosing, but he sure would act like it. He would tell me that I just needed to call down and when I started bringing home tons of stuff he would act like it was a huge inconvience when really, he loved it. He loved every minute of his family being around him.
He got the chance to meet Nathan and that means so much to me. I honestly don;t know if I would be able to marry someone that didn't get a chance to meet my Grandpa. He told me that he saw something special in this guy, and he knew I would spend the rest of my life with him. I am so glad that I get to do that, but I am so sad that the man who means the most to be wont be there to see his little girl get married.
My Grandpa was truly my best friend. He was old fashioned and wasn't always up with the times, but he got it. He just understood life. He understood that only the things that matter to you are important. He didn't let what other people did or say affect him. He lived his life the way he wanted to, and that was that. He always raised us with high morals and values and with respect and dignity. He respected the choices that we made even if he didnt agree with them. I can recall countless times calling home ashamed, and afraid that he was going to be disappointed in me, but he never was. My Grandpa was the king at unconditional love.
I made that promise to my Grandpa that I would never let anyone else walk me down the aisle, because I knew he would be there with me, each step of the way, but man is it ever hard to imagine walking down that aisle without him.
Love you Gramps....oh how I love you.