Giving In

Well, once again I will let it be known. I am human. I make mistakes, I forget things, I have low self esteem, and I have low will power and I sure as heck give in easily, in all aspects of my life. It is something that I used to be comfortable with, but not anymore. I used to always just be that go to girl. People knew I would say yes, no matter what it was. Hey Amanda, I know you have already worked 50 hours this week, but will you work my 8 hour shift tomorrow?  Hey Amanda, I know you understand this chapter really well, will you write my paper for me?  And my answer was always, YES!  Yes, I will over work myself, yes I will do twice the work and help you get your grades, yes I will always say yes whenever anyone asks me to do something for them because that is the type of person I am.

I have realized that this not only happens to me in those types of situations, but also right now, when I am trying to watch what I eat. See, I gave up Mt. Dew for this exercise program.  I didn't only give it up for the program, but to live a healthier life. There was nothing healthy at drinking 5 to 6 20 oz Mt Dews a day.  Well, I have been craving Mt Dew since Thursday. I bought one at Hyvee on Friday and threw it away in the trash right outside the door.  I just wanted it so bad, but I had will power and realized I made a mistake by buying one.  Today, I just couldn't help myself. I needed one soooo bad. As sad as it sounds, I am an addict. A Mt Dew addict.  I am very disappointed in myself, as I had a Mt Dew. It wasn't a 20 oz by any means, it was merely a 8oz can that my wonderful boyfriend found for me, and has stated that I can have one every Saturday as a reward for making it through my 6 days of hard work and exercise. I am still disappointed, but understand if I keep craving it as much as I was earlier, I would give in and probably not at a acceptable level.

I know that a lot of people wouldn't think that I am a weak person looking in from the outside, but I really am.  Very disappointing and I am hoping if one thing I get out of this Farrell's program is becoming a stronger person, physically, mentally and emotionally.

So for now, I will drink my 1-8oz Mt Dew every Saturday evening, and hope I can someday even take that out of my diet.